Mockery Tune
by Takanari-tama
Summary: Roxas would've bet money that his life falling apart was because of all the blondes. He somehow never even saw the redhead coming. AU Bandfic. YAOI. AkuRoku, Zemyx, CloudLeon, CloudAerith, others.


Well, here we go. My first fic in YEARS. I'm nervous, to be honest. XD

Alrighty My best friend and I started this fic at ACEN 07. Which….MIGHT just be a good enough excuse for it's…idiocy. Maybe not. Oh well.

AU fic. Cliché crappy bandfic, y'know how that goes.

**Disclaimer: **I owns a depressing nada.

Warnings: Yaoi. That would be, boyxboy. Don't like it, don't read it. Don't come complain to me about it.

Pairings: Akuroku, Zemyx, CloudxAerith, CloudxLeon

It'll take awhile before any of the pairings really take off at all. Sorry about that. ;

Well. **Let's do this.**

_**Begin Chapter One**_

Frayed wisps of blond and black in every which direction, black smears covering most of its face, framing bloodshot piercing blue eyes, with little trails of mixed saliva and blood dripping off its chin.

Roxas was clearly in the presence of a monster.

…Either that or he'd fallen asleep in his stage makeup again. Roxas sighed, wiping the mixture of drool and red lip liner from his chin. He couldn't help but wonder if this was entirely sanitary. He turned on the faucet and stepped away to peer out of the bathroom. Four out-cold band mates splattered across his living room - check.

Amazing how tiring performing at some rich bastard's birthday party could be.

…Really. Nothing to do with alcohol.

Roxas turned his attention back to the nearly full sink, and proceeded to submerge his entire head, resulting in a thoroughly soaked bathroom with many new black and red decorations. Yaaay.

He resurfaced, glaring at his reflection, face now dripping with the remains of his hair dye.

"Great," he mumbled, clamping a towel over his face, staining it with black stripes. It'd have to do, for now.

Roxas half-stumbled tiredly in to the living room, dropping down on the couch.

I know what you're thinking. And yes, there was a band member on said couch.

Demyx yelped, sitting straight up in response to the sudden weight being dropped onto him. He blinked, looking down at the Roxas now in his lap, who stared innocently back up at him.

"Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Waking you up."

"Why is your FACE striped?"

Roxas twitched and pointed an accusing finger at the upside-down blond.(to him, anyway…)

"Well you have smudgy swirls by your eyes!"

Demy 'eeped' and rolled Roxas off of him (and onto Hayner on the floor) and make a break for the bathroom. Roxas noticed Yuffie giggle as Demyx failed to notice the door's presence. Alright, he wouldn't have to wake her up.

Roxas turned his attention to the camo-clad boy underneath him. When Roxas had oh-so gracefully(not) landed on him, Hayner had twitched an mumbled something about a mud puddle, but hadn't woken up.

"Hayner."

"…'

"Hayner."

"…"

"Hayner."

"…"

"Hanyer."

"…"

"Hayner."

"…"

"Hayner."

"…"

"Haaaayneeeer-"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Yuffie had nearly laughed herself into a coma at this point. Roxas stood up and snickered, arms folded. "For you to get up. And make up breakfast."

"I can't cook," Hayner protesed, untangling himself from the blankets and….a string of Christmas lights. ….Maybe there might have been alcohol involved after all.

Anyway.

Roxas pushed the still slightly tangled Hayner into the kitchen and handed him a can of corned beef hash. "Feed us."

"The hell do I do with THIS?"

His question went unanswered, as Roxas had moved on to wake up the final member(well, that was there, anyway). Cloud had settled himself in the large windowsill, back turned to the others. Roxas couldn't see how Cloud could have managed to sleep through the fusses Demyx and Hanyer made,(plus, he thought all the constant **Hayner**s would be enough to wake the dead).

Roxas cautiously poked the older teen on the shoulder. "Cloouu-"

"Shut up and go help Blondie before he poisons us."

Roxas shrank back. "Don't eat me."

Cloud rolled his eyes, allowing them to drift shut. Ten more minutes wouldn't hurt…

"Cloud?"

So much for that idea. Cloud sighed, pushing himself into a seated position as he wiped away any leftover eyeliner he'd missed when washing his face the previous night. He turned to face the hairdye-striped annoyance, shooting a 'vicious'(though rather benign in appearance through the haze of half-awakeness) glare.

"What do you want, Roxas?"

Roxas pouted lightly. "Well. You're blond. Are you gonna poison us?" he grinned.

"…I'll do worse if you don't get the hell away from me."

"In fact, EVERYBODY here is blonde but Yuffie…"

"………."

"Do you like pancakes?"

". . .What?"

"For breakfast."

Cloud had no idea when the topic had strayed to early morning edibles. Cloud's gaze shifted momentarily to the clock. 2:26 P.M. Alright. Early afternoon edibles. Either way there was a blond probably on fire in the kitchen.

"OH MY GOD, HAYNER'S ON FIRE!!!"

Yeah. Cloud was just that badass. He heaved himself up from the windowsill and headed towards the bathroom to do…bathroomly things. By the time he found his was into the kitchen, the group was sitting in a circle eating cereal and passing around a jug of milk to drink straight out of. Wonderful.

"Hayner, how can you catch a freezer on fire?" Yuffie inquired, balancing Froot Loops on her spoon handle.

Hayner took a large, unpleasant 'glarg' from the milk jug. "Iono."

"Still. You probably shouldn't have put the can in the toaster…" Demyx pointed out, causing Roxas to snort milk from his nose. Right back into the milk jug. Lovely.

Cloud wrinkled his nose as an unknowing Demyx took another chug, trying to figure out what Yuffie was laughing at.

Roxas glanced up from wiping his nose on his sleeve to grin childishly up at Could. "Cereal, Cloud?" he offered. Cloud had, for some unknowable reason, lost his appetite(really). "No thanks." He leaned back against the wall and observed the others, who had already forgotten he was there and continued on the with their oddity of a conversation.

"Demyx, you drank Roxas's while gooey stuff." Yuffie grinned, causing Demyx to stare at her in obvious confusion…and alittle guilt?

"Yuffie…I swear, we really DID just get locked in the bathroom. WE PLAYED CARDS!" He cried out in defense.

"…"

"…"

"…" Cloud smacked his forehead and stood up. "I'm leaving."

The four waved at him, knowing better than to try to get him to stay. If Cloud said he was leaving, he was leaving. Nobody felt like getting their heads smashed into their small intestines for opposing this anyway.

Roxas watched the screen door slam shut as he listened to the conversation carrying on around him.

"Solitaire."

"How could you have been playing solitaire? It's one player!"

"WE FOUND A WAY."

Roxas rolled his eyes, Yes, they had at one time been locked in the bathroom, and in his boredom he'd resorted to playing solitaire on his cell phone(instead of using it to call for help, of course). Not a clue how Demyx got the 'we' from it, though. He'd been busy playing with the toilet paper….

"Technically it naturally is supposed to be like a pastel pink. I have NO CLUE how you managed for it to be electric green, but I'm impressed."

Roxas decided he should keep better track of their conversations. He couldn't possibly imagine WTF they were talking about, but he wasn't really sure he wanted to.

Thankfully, or so it seemed at the time, they were interrupted by a fit of coughing. Yuffie patted Hayner roughly on the back(not really helping…at all). "You okay, dude?" Hayner nodded, snatchng the glass of water Demyx handed him and downing it, letting excess water pour down his face and shirt. He choked slightly, still coughing into the water.

The empty glass rolled a few feet away, dropped and forgotten. Hayner leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily. Yuffie was searching through the drawers for a towel to clean up the watery mess, and Demyx had gone to Roxas's bedroom to find a t-shirt for him to wear. This left only Roxas to figure out what had happened.

He reached out and hesitantly put a hand on Hayner's arm, as if afraid he might break. "Dude, what happened? He asked, not looking away as Yuffie brought a towel over and began sopping up the wet floor.

"I dunno. I musta choked on a Froot Loop." Came the answer, once Hayner had caught his breath.

"You didn't cough any up." Yuffie pointed out. "You puked every bit of water we put inside you…and some milk." She cringed, seeming mildly groosed out by the towels, now wet and starting to soak her hands. "Next time, you clean up your OWN barf…."

"You didn't really eat anything, either." Demyx, who'd returned with the t-shirt, pointed out, handing it to him.

"I choked on my own spit, then." Hayner replied as he peeled off his liquid-soaked shirt He pulled on the new shirt and fixed his messy mop of curly blond hair, transforming it into a …different messy mop of curly blond hair.

Yuffie snickered. "Nice shirt, Hayner…" Hayner stared at her in confusion for a few moments, before shifting his gaze to the long-sleeved t-shirt he was wearing.

It was fairly tight on him, and colored with swirls of pink and yellow, like some sort of strawberry-banana ice-cream. The collar and raglan-style sleeves were black, with stretches of neon rainbows wrapping around them. "Roxas…why the HELL do you own this???!!"

Roxas grinned. _At least he can't see the back. _He though, features appearing somewhat evil. On the back of the shirt was an image of a 'kick me' sign. The K in kick had been replaced with an L. So, yes. Very oggd thing that Hayner hadn't seen that. "Oh…no reason." By the time his reply came, Hayner was harassing Demyx about choosing that shirt for him.

Yuffie reached up to the clock on the walll, wiping the excess grime off with her sleeve. "Ah, shit." She muttered, turning to the living room, eyes scanning for her bag. "I'm almost late for work." She made a small noise of discovery as she noticied her bag in the couch, where Demyx had been using it for a pillow. "Demyx, you shed on my bag……" She tugged out her hairbrush, raking it through her short black hair as she pulled her shoes on, hoping across the room on one foot.

Roxas watched her out of the corner of his eye, waving very slightly, a little distracted by the fact that Demyx was trying to pin Hayner on the floor to staple the shirt to hi-

…..

. . .That had to hurt.

_**End Chapter one**_

…I love Hayner. I really do. The abuse is from love! And because I firmly believe that he's the fruitiest character in the ENTIRE game. (though he's yet to realize this.)

Did I mention that I haven't written a fic in like a hundred years?

Ah well….no flames, please! Read and review. It'll get better…I promise.


End file.
